Paa........

Love you paa…..
Thanks for being always there for me…..

Thanks for everything you did for me…..

Thanks for standing for me…

Thanks for truly loving me…..

Thanks for everything…..

For all the extra hours you put in at office so that we can have our share of fun….. for planning your investments so carefully that I need not worry….
Thanks dad…. mostly for you have given me so much that when I see a movie like paa….. I can't wait to hear your voice…. I can't wait to hug you and be engulfed in that warm cozy feeling….. that I want to run away just this moment towards you and maa….. that I want to give everything in my life for your happiness…..for that lovely smile of yours where you are teasing me….. for that loving pat on my head when I do something stupid…. That gentle hand on my forehead when I am resting in your lap…. That look in your eyes when u leave me at the station… believe me I could jump from that train if I could….. for that sheepish smile on your face when you know your daughter no longer needs your financial support …..For that look on your face when you bring home my favourite sweets ….. the tinkle in your voice when I make you proud…. The way in which you introduce me to your friends and relatives… That's the moment when I know I have made you proud…. The way you are little wary of accepting gifts from me…. Because you think they are too expensive …. The way you take me into discussions where our important decisions are concerned….. the way you still get upset over my little illness.. the way when you find every little reason to come and meet me… the way you plan all our time together according to my leaves and holidays…. The way you remind me about my bill payments and balances…. the way every single moment in the day you and maa are concerned about how your daughters are cutting their time ……. How you are still awake way past your time just to wish me happy birthday…. The content look on your face even if I serve you a mildly eatable dish…..
Thanks dad for caring about maa….. even though you have your fights…. Thanks dad for taking really good care of her… so that she can live peacefully and worry only about her daughters…. Thanks dad for securing us so that she can sleep soundly…..
Thanks dad…… for everything and everything and everything……..

Attitude....

I am sitting at the station waiting for my train to arrive; tuned to my favourite music. I notice a group of youngsters also nearby. All of them are of the college going age. Their Iron maiden t shirts, bracelets and ripped jeans. The girls are in latest fashionable clothes, laughing, smiling so content with their lives. And with an eager enthusiasm for the future!!! I am drawn to them, even though I do mean to eaves drop. I remember how I had fun with my friends the same way. I glance towards them once in a while so that they do not feel, I am an intruder. But, surprisingly, I do not hear a sound. I cannot understand a word. It’s as if they are talking in an altogether different language. And then I notice… the group belongs to special school… one which has children who are differently abled. (The government does not allow us to call them disabled.) Their mannerisms, their actions, their animated expressions suddenly dwell upon me. And I cannot help but a smile stretches across my face.. Its not that I feel pity on them, in fact I am amazed by the attitude they show. Their attitude, their behaviors is just about same as you and me… I keep staring and eaves dropping at them unabashedly. So wonderful, so lovely …. I keep watching them…. totally oblivious to my surroundings as they are with the world!!!!!

The "Date"

There is a beautiful long stemmed deep red rose kept in a delicately carved vase in front of me. I am sitting in a cafe with lots of cozy comfortable seating. A nice table and a tasty menu is laid out before me. And I am waiting.... waiting for him.

He saunters in and at least a few glances comes his way. He is my best friend and I love him a lot... and the meeting is important. The cafe, the environment, the red rose is being selected with utmost care. I have taken pains to dress myself and when I see him coming in with a lovely smile on his face, I see that he too has picked out his best outfit...

He comes in and sits next to me... Both of us anxious, eager to see what... This meeting today is really really important... And so he does....

- You OK?
- Ya... I am fine ? you?
- Looking nice...
- You too...
- That colour suits you really well...
- And this shirt of yours is my favourite!

He pauses, me too...

And she comes in.... She is looking beautiful... We both looking at her... She throws a lovely smile at us...

And I get a premonition...

Oh wait... let me tell you why I am here...

I am to meet my best friend's best girl... to meet her... to judge her.... to get to know her...

My best friend... the smart, dashing guy everyone has eyes on... has lost it on this one.... and me being the best friend.... well you get the point!!!

She is looking absolutely stunning... He totally floored... and me jealous... well the way they both are exchanging glances... I can already see losing my best friend... I know I should not be... but I am jealous... and so we try a conversation...

- Hi, how are you?
- Hello, I am fine....
- How long have you been waiting?
- Hmm... just a few minutes.... (Actually half an hour... I hate late comers... but...)
- Ya... I got stuck in traffic...
- (or make up.... my mind..) Smile!!!
- I have heard so much about you...
- Ya... same here... (Did I just notice a smirk????)

He is shuttling between both of us... gauging our reactions... trying to read into them...

I sit there talking to her... and I realize why my best friend is floored.... she is perfect.... She is beautiful... well at par with my dashing best friend... She has delicate features, stunning long hair and extremely well choice.. (clothes... and men too)... she selected my best friend...

Our order comes and I see her serving him nicely after wiping those forks and spoons properly. She chews little... maintains a perfect smile all through the conversation and I genuinely like her... she is the sort of girl I would have selected for him...

But... herein comes the "BUT"...

She doesn't like me... He for the one doesn't quite relate to this... you see all men are stupid... so he probably would never understand why his best friend and his best girl who appear all buddy-buddy will ever think that way...

But... I get this...

She hates me... she tries to be perfect for him but I can understand those smirks, those glances perfectly... the way her eyes light up when he praises her... and the way I get the "look" when he is telling her all the fun we had in our childhood... the way she asks me as to why I don't have a boyfriend... the way I can sense the insecurity in her...

I want to tell her... I want to hold her shoulders and shake her out of this trance of hers... But I don't ... I try to convince her with my best "indifferent" behaviour towards my best friend ... But she is not convinced... I want to tell her...

Girl... he is yours.. He is and he will be... but yes is my best friend... and I love him... so don't be afraid.... Don't be insecure... I'll stand in the way if anything makes you both disturbed...

I want to tell her....

Yes girl... We still chat for hours... but 80% of the time is about you ... we still go to cafes... but now to the ones you like... we still go to shopping... but the gifts are for your little anniversaries.... yes we watch movies... but my turn is second ... and I don't get a popcorn!!

Yes girl... he shares everything with me... but then you are the one with whom everything has been shared first.... He misses out to wish me before my "big days" but never fails to wish a good morning to you...

We reminisce about our days... and I sense the regret he feels that you were not a part of those memories... Yes girl... he is my best friend... but more than that now.... he is yours....

The Accident.

My life in Mumbai is related to the tracks.... I am late for my regular train (as usual) and like a true Mumbaikar, I run towards the Railway crossing. Using the Foot over bridge for getting to the station is so not "Mumbaiya". We, Mumbaikar's pride ourselves for being able to run across the tracks just in nick of time to catch our lifeline....

So I go ahead and I notice a group of people standing right in the middle of tracks... looking down... It doesn't take me a moment to realise what has happened...

Some body has got "Cut". You see that's the word for losing one's life on the tracks.... Everybody is looking in that direction; tense, anxious and praying to GOD to let that person be alive... I am shocked, I freeze in my path but then I don't have the courage to go further and prod. I am too numb... You see though I get to hear these stories, its the first time I am actually seeing this.... I somehow reach the station, wait to hear what people have to say.... about Who?, How? and what happened?

My train arrives, I get inside and manage to find a seat. I sit down and say Hi's and Hello's to my regular co-passengers. I tell them about the accident. They too express shock, disbelief and start recounting other such accidents... I am still numb... feeling bad... I had had a good morning and now it has worsened.

I hear people say that adequate facilities are not available at the station. And that the government does nothing for us commoners.... the general lamenting.

I keep listening and keep feeling bad. I put on my headphones and start listening to my favourite play list, hoping to cheer myself... I have a lot to catch at work today... After a few minutes people are bored of the subject and the talks divert to regular subjects... Children, Education, Price Hike...

I am little upset about so less of a concern shown by the people.... I mean that person could have been anyone... How can they be so indifferent? Weird isn't it?

And then it struck me...

Wait a second....

What did I do? I got a train, put in my headphones and lament the people, the authorities for whatever they did not do... I could have been there.... helped that person... I did not... I did not help.... A small tear forms and I cannot stop cursing myself....

Some part of my brain tells me that how much I may have wanted to help. I could never have the courage to look at that sight...

But that justification does not help.... Its not enough and it will never be enough....

Living alone...

Hello everyone …..
Aai told me about this article that was supposed to be written about experiences of living alone ….. away from the home…
Well as far as staying away from home is concerned every material thing is fairly predictable. What is not predictable is what it makes so difficult staying away…… and emerging a winner.
Firstly living away from the home is what can make you or break you….. however clichéd it may sound but you start realizing which things are important in your life and which are not.
As I said earlier, all material things are fairly predictable. There is a change of place, food, water, people and many other things. What lies lurking behind is what changes you and you still even don’t know it.
Let me say that as, when you change a place, what changes is not just your postal address but how you are supposed to behave in the society. ‘when in rome do as romans do’ fits to the tee. When in a city like Mumbai, enjoy the locals, the crowd, the rush and the fast pace. When in Delhi behave as if you are the king, no matter if you are a beggar, a taxi driver, a professional or even a politician. When in indore indulge in satisfying your taste buds and when in Bhopal, be rejuvenated by the peace and calm.
It goes without saying that people of various cities are known by their culinary preferences and so its no surprise that living away from home makes you truly realize what you like as food and what not. There have been many examples of people who have developed tastes for eatables they have never tasted; equally same are people who have stopped eating their favourite dishes after being had to consume them daily. With all the drama that is ensured when mom cooks a ‘karela’ or ‘baigan’ evaporate as soon as you land home and a simple dal chawal seems like a heaven.
Now here in lies the cliche, people returning from hostels are often termed as rude, aloof, not bothered about religion and social customs etc. My point being if your supposed to stay in an environment where there are people just like you, people who have come out of the comfort of their own homes to pursue education, career etc are bound to be that set of people who have some viewpoints of their own, many a times being rigid and stubborn. Such set of people firmly believe in their roots and upbringing sometimes even to the point of extremism. People like Jain and Sikhs who even though have some Hindu customs, have a separate set of customs as well, which are ridiculed also and upheld also. Having a Christian or a Muslim is altogether a different matter. However bad may be the communal harmony in your country and however much you are affected, having a person of some other religion as your roommate increases tolerance in you. You learn at least to listen to other people’s point of view and respect it as well. It is at this point of time that a person realizes the shallowness of some social and religious obligations and hence forth stops blindly following what is being told and develops a mindset of his/her own; hence the title of rude and sometimes even of an atheist.
This is where the person develops an idea of adjustment only to the point such that it suits him/her. This may seem selfish but then how many 20-somethings (most common age group staying away) have a taste of compassion and selflessness….. and how many would actually want to do it when the other person may be as naïve as you. This again brings us to the tag of aloofness when actually the person is supposed to be finishing his/her daily chores, work etc. as soon as possible and then move aside for the other person to use the resources. This may seem inappropriate at home (like I was scolded for putting my plate in wash basin after dinner) but that’s how the upbringing happens out of the house.
With enough of this talk about what the society calls my sect (people away from home) there are also some qualities which are developed unknowingly. Like standing up for your self in an argument or putting forth your point when earlier there were the very protective mamma’s and papa’s to handle your worries. Like being so independent that sometimes the person feels smothered by all the love and affection that he/she gets at home. Like constantly judging people for their acts and activities and even passing judgements.
But then how are we going to explain the independence we so love… (aai got emotional when she saw me putting eye drops on my own). There is according to us no harm in doing your own stuff, I don’t mean that every child is a pampered one but most are. And that too unknowingly.
How are we going to explain that now onwards adjusting in a new city has more to do with people, their habits and the environment than transportation, accommodation etc.. Living in Delhi means any respectable girl should be back home by 8.00, when in Mumbai that’s the time when most leave their offices for their homes.
How are we going to explain that even though we truly realize the importance of a place called home and however we despise the place where we spent our forming years, in the long run those are the times when actually that city, that place, that environment , those people have been playing a part in your growth. Helping you to grow as a more focused, more grounded, more determined person, one who respects tradition yet doesn’t blindly follow it; one who may seem rude but surely does have a point, one who is independent and maybe selfish but a one who is also accommodating and laid back. A person who would always cherish those years spent away from home as the best days of his life…. Days that not only made him/her realize the importance of family, friends, home and traditions… but also shaped him/her for the future.

My First Blog........

Hello Everyone,

This is my blog..... and so I am going to write about what I feel.... (I think thats what a blog about)....

So I think I may offend some.... some may like this.....
I take all responsibility for my opinions......

Thanks for reading through.... Hope I wont be that BAD.....

Cheers......